memories
This has been a difficult week. I have mentioned earlier that my mother fell and broke her hip. Her hospitalization and subsequent care has focussed attention on something that I had been trying to not notice.
Earlier in the year she started to give up her hobbies of sewing and quilting. She complained that she couldn't see to thread the needle and we moved the machine and got better lighting and brought her a threading device to make it easier. But still she wouldn't try and we gradually realized that she couldn't concentrate on a project any longer.
For as long as I can remember Mom had always been the one who kept track of the family bills and wrote the checks. Then one day when my father questioned her about one of them she handed him the checkbook and told him to do it from now on.
When she was hospitalized there was a lot of disorientation, but I passed it off as due to the drugs and pain-killers. But it is persisting and it is clear now that she is losing a lot of her short-term memory. She asks the same questions repeatedly.
She remembers every detail of things that happened long ago however. She has a quilt that she made when she was 16, and she still sleeps under it sometime. Like many old quilts it was made from scraps. My mom can tell a story about nearly every piece of fabric in that quilt - dresses that she or her sisters wore to school and church, which ones they liked and which ones they didn't.
I have been looking into nursing home care this past week, but I find it very hard to do. Mom has never been an out-going person and she doesn't like unfamiliar things. I think she will go down-hill fast there. For now we have arranged for her to have someone in her home with her to help see to her. She seems mildly amused by that so far. She said she it made her feel like a rich person.
Posted by Bill Hopkins on August 29, 2004 12:41 PMBill, my father just moved into assisted living. With his health and his age, almost 94, we had no other options.
But the place is smaller, he has his own studio apartment with a microwave and small fridge. More importantly, he's with caregivers who know how to connect the older with their surroundings.
And my Dad is champion at not being outgoing and not being adaptable. The key for him was when he fell getting out of bed, and he was able to pull the string that connects to the emergency system and get help immediately. He now actually feels secure enough to start an exercise program -- well, walking around outside.
I can hear you and know what you're saying -- but this doesn't have to be a 'bad' thing. Email if you want more details.
Take care, it will work out.
Posted by: Shelley at August 29, 2004 01:49 PMI'm sure your Father is happier to be home now too. When part of a couple causes both parties to give up their home it is doubly hard. Have you had your Mom treated for Depression? Tested for Altzheimer's?
Do not let your sister feel guilty for not being able to make it. She tried, and NO ONE but the caregiver knows how hard it is. ( been there)
Posted by: mary lou at August 29, 2004 02:31 PMI feel for you, Bill.........My Dad (88yrs) & his second wife, Peg, are both rapidly failing in health. They have both become bitter, depressed & resentful old people. They live with Peg's son in Maine. My brothers, sister & I have discussed many times about what we shall have to do about Dad if Peg dies before he does as we don't think it would be right for Peg's son to care for Dad. He refuses to discuss his future with us in the event of Peg's death. I know he would not be happy here with me in Missouri or with my sister in Pennsylvania......I don't even think I could take him as I still work fulltime & he requires care 24/7.........I know he would want to stay in New England........Everytime there is a health crises with either one of them, we have many phone calls between us, yet nothing is ever accomplished........It is so hard to figure what will be the right thing to do when the time comes.......I hope you will be able to come to some conclusion that will be right for all involved............
Posted by: Dottie at August 29, 2004 08:03 PMI feel for you, too, in this problem. How hard it is to see a parent declining in mental and hysical abilities. Breaks our hearts. My mom is in a nursing home now and usually doesn't recognize me. It hurts.
NJ
I'm so sorry to hear that this is what you've been having to do. Speaking from my experience of having spent time in a few different senior care facilities, I've found that those residents who have regular visits from family members and others are the ones who will thrive. Those who are left by the wayside are the ones difficult to get through to.
I imagine your Mom will adjust as best she can but I hope she thrives.
Posted by: Leslie at September 2, 2004 12:01 PM